Fork ‘andles

Anyone unfortunate enough not to be British had better watch this clip of Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett before reading any further or none of this will make any sense at all (okay – even less than usual):

Right! Are we sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin….

A friend of mine makes a bit of extra dosh by letting out rooms to language students coming to learn to speak the Eeeeenglish in lovely Stratford on Avon. So, a while ago she had a Spanish chap come to stay and very nice he was too. I think what particularly endeared him was the fact that he came bearing gifts. It always works with me too. So, he presented her with a little package (about the size of a video) and said (now do his bit in your head in a reeeeeaaally strong Spanish accent, okay?)

Spanish chap: ‘I have gift for you. Eees traditional Espanish. Turrones. You know?’

My friend: ‘The Two Ronnies? Yes! Of course. I love them.’

SC: ‘Oh! You know turrones? Eees etypical in Espain. You like?’

MF: ‘No – they’re English. The Two Ronnies. Definitely English. They’re on telly at Christmas every year.’

SM: ‘Yes, ees good for Christmas. Ma … Eeenglish? No – I theenk ees turrones etypical Espanish. Eees very good.’

MF: ‘Yes! Very good. Very funny! But I’m amazed – you really have the Two Ronnies in  Spain at Christmas too? No way!’

SM: ‘Yes, turrones eees traditional in Espain for long time.

MF: Yeah – the Two Ronnies’ve been going for years! I had no idea they were popular in Spain though …

…. and so it went on.

How amazingly appropriate!

Now, just so we’re clear:

Turrones – tasty Spanish nougat full of almonds:

Two Ronnies – UK comedy duo famed for ingenious wordplay:

Newsflash! According to Ister, turrones tastes of earwax. That’s the turrones and NOT the Two Ronnies who, I’m sure, would have been delicious.

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23 thoughts on “Fork ‘andles

  1. Turron is horrible nastiness. As a kid, I had to pretend to like it out of politeness when my Spanish relatives gave it to me as a present. I suppose I should have been greatful, but eating turron must be similar to eating earwax.

  2. My ex-boyfriend who is always referred to as Satan is/was a TEFL teacher and had a student that kept standing up and saying how much he was enjoying his stay in the United Condom. Which reminds me – I must go and catch up on Mind Your Language on youtube.

  3. This is the daily fare that drives us TEFL teachers to the very edge of mental collapse. I had a student from Oman who kept accusing a Spanish classmate of wunking at girls (he meant one-eyed blinking)…

  4. betty you’ll be delighted to know that i looked ‘forr candales’ up on google!
    geoff hello, good evening and welcome – when i was teaching in france, my students kept mentioning ‘Benneeel’. it took me ages to work out who they were on about! why do they love him so?
    time he is a bit of a dapper dan, isn’t he? are you looking to get a similar garment? hope so – it’ll make it so much easier at blogmeets.
    ister what a terrible childhood trauma – you could probably write a best-selling memoir all about it.
    robby a very warm welcome to you! i think i recognise you from zoe’s place. the misfortune in this context would be not knowing all the two ronnies’ sketches off by heart. a more general problem might be a lack of irony? (it’s availble free on the nhs here, along with vitamin drops and triple vaccine)
    romo harharhar! i have a french friend whose english is absolutely fantastic – except she say, ‘he’s got the nerves’ instead of ‘he’s got a nerve’. it’s so sweet i can’t bring myself to correct her!
    alph i’m going to bombard you with youtube links! you’re my new project!!!!
    mc hello there! we have a french friend staying at the moment who has developed a taste for what he insists on calling ‘scrumpets’. SO much better than the correct name! wunking is pretty inventive too!
    clive hope she didn’t give him the pull!

  5. Delurking long enough to wipe the tears from my ears….
    I could tell a funny tale about a former colleague of mine, Les, from when I worked on the West Coast of Cumbria. Les was a Scot who had a most bizarre conversation with a Cumbrian who was going on holiday. Les thought he was going to Turkey, where he himself had just recently returned from. He began to wax lyrical about how nice it was, how lovely the weather was. He asked the chap which airport he was flying in to, and was most startled when the chap said replied that he wasn’t flying there, he was driving there. Admittedly it was a bit of a drive from Whitehaven, but the M6 and the M5 made the journey much better than it had been in the 1960s…..

  6. NO problem here, Australians are well acquainted with “So, it’s good night from me…” ” And it’s good night from him.”

    Very funny story which had the happy side effect of correcting my pronunciation of turrones!

  7. Hello there!

    turrones tastes of earwax.

    Well I dunno about Spanish turrones, but here in Italy we have “torrone“, which looks very similar to the picture you posted (not the one of the two comedians – the other one, that is.), and it’s made with lots of sugar, egg whites and almonds (as far as I know, turrones is made out of the same ingredients *plus* honey.), so unless your earwax is made out of that, too (I actually have no clue about that, as I never dared to taste earwax…), it’s unlikely it tastes of torrone or turrones…

    🙂

  8. Ooh, it’s the out-of-context brigade. What I actually said was “…eating turron must be similar to eating earwax”.

    “must be” as opposed to “definately” – I was making an assumption based on the physical consistency of the sugary almond product and not the taste.

    I’d like to take this opportunity to catagorically deny that I’ve eaten earwax. Granted, I’ve smelt it on the odd occasion, but I had a severe hangover at the time.

  9. nic hello there! my sister had a similar thing with the bloke painting her house who was telling her about his planned holiday is a VERY brummy accent. she pipes up, ‘o – we’re going to gower as well! lovely there, isn’t it?’ ‘ahhh, but i din’t loike all them injections. and the floight’s a pine an all.’
    bec i’m practically the world service, me
    lettuce hater STOK it shall be from now on. your influence is vair vair strong – for the love of kevin spacey!
    giorgio welcome! benvenuto and all that. i visited your blog and i couldn’t understand it at all! i feel pig ignorant… again
    ister calm down dear! there’s nothing to be ashamed of. i haven’t told a soul – well, not that many people.
    anyway – my daughter (when she was about 4) rejected crunchy nut cornflakes on the basis that they tasted of earwax. next day, she pinched some from her brother’s bowl. ‘but you said they tasted of earwax!’ i challenged her.
    ‘yes, but i like earwax.’
    so you’re not alone.
    actually, i had some turron lately and i would have thought it was a bit crunchier that earwax.

  10. Crunch levels in earwax vary and are dependant on many factors…so I’ve been told. EG: Yer really crunchy earwax will naturally occur after a day at the seaside or wether you’ve had a holiday in the desert, sand being the added ingredient.

  11. i visited your blog and i couldn’t understand it at all! i feel pig ignorant…

    aww, please don’t – you just don’t speak Italian, that’s all. And, apparently, speaking Italian is not essential to survive, so I think you’ll be alright anyway. 🙂

  12. ister ‘so i’ve been told’ – who’re you trying to kid? you’re aming friends here – honest. i’ve been more that frank in this blog about my toast phobia. with supportive friends (with camera phones), i’m sure you can work through this.
    giorgia i was vexed with myself because it looks so interesting – and learning italian has been a verrrrry long term plan of mine. if i’d got on with it all those years ago, i’d be leaving witty comments (er – maybe not) in italian no bother.
    twisted and giorgia bwahahahahaha!

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