I’m going to write a best-selling children’s book

Yes, I am. Really. I’ve got no idea of plot yet, or theme or milieu or characters. But …

… on the back of the novel (or the blurb, as we best-selling authors call it), it will say:

‘…. then x unearths a terrifying secret.’ (x being the main protagonist – an orphan, obviously)

Oh yes – a best seller guaranteed!

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13 thoughts on “I’m going to write a best-selling children’s book

  1. Leave it like that. Call the orphan ‘x’. The ‘terrifying secret’ is that ‘x’ stands for Gerald, and all the commonly accepted laws of orthography are a complete myth…

  2. Bah. The only bestsellers about secrets these days are the ones about all the secrets hanging out in the closets of the Catholic Church. You’re out of luck, then, unless you’ve got an imagination better’n Dan Brown’s, Umberto Eco’s, or Andrew M. Greeley’s.

  3. Pirates. You must have pirates. And a cute animal sidekick. Plus a girl passing herself off as a boy, with a boy-sounding name that is infact a nickname for something over the top girlie like Arabella-Simone-Frillypants. AND it turns out she is in fact rich, but on the run from her family who wish to do something horrible…like send her to a Swiss finishing school. Plus have a busty wench who has a heart of gold. And a man with a scar who got the scar in some noble deed protecting innocents. Great stuff this. Best of luck.

  4. tim you have *dramatic pause* a gift. don’t know why you stick with all that silly non-fiction. write a novel then we can both be best sellers.
    cronz i’m sure you won’t have long to wait. can’t take that long to write a best seller, surely?
    gordon your charm and diplomacy never disappoint. i feel so safe with you at the helm!
    billy that’s writing without a safety net! i was thinking of doing it this year – still might. let’s stay in touch on this one.
    flutter you’re a very discerning reader. the only thing i haven’t quite decided is where to have the launch party – decisions, decisions!
    curious you have a point (and welcome, btw). they do seem to be pretty deep closets, mind you. i wonder if that genre has run its course yet? the new kate mosse (no – not that one) sounds like more of same, but i bet it’ll sell a squillion. (jealous – moi?)
    alph i only had the one idea (and i pinched that off the blurbs of about 70 per cent of the new children’s books in waterstone’s on saturday). you seem to have loads …. so, when can we expect your novel? x

  5. That sounds a heck of a plot, but I’ve got a feeling that Kate Mosse has already used it – more than once, by all accounts.

  6. moobs maybe there could be a large wardrobe in that there house – no, no … that would never work.
    wyndham can you keep a secret? i only bang on about kate mosse because i’m as green as this lovely new template with envy (gnashgnash)
    mrf i’ll work on that. mabe i could get banned by the bbc while i’m at it – although i think that’s getting increasingly tricky. it is nanowrimo – i bet you’re writing one and you’re just pretending you don’t know when it is as an elaborate ruse. go on – fess up!
    i’d do it only, as i mentioned, i have nothing but a little fragment of blurb. still, it’s a start! oh yeah, and if i could be arsed to.

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