A marketing challenge!

It seems self-evident, to me at least, that the very best hair conditioner in the world is cat spit.

But how to market it? Do you think ‘sal cattus’ sounds any better?

(This is not my cat – I stole it, but I have two just as nice.)

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A new word is needed …

… for that thing when the big toe of one foot gets hooked in the trouser bottom of the opposite leg and you either fall right over like a total pratt or narrowly avoid falling but almost dislocate your toe in the process. Any suggestions?

(These are not my feet, btw. I stole them.)

To someone very special ….

Thanks to a combination of political correctness and the amazing ability of school children to turn anything at all into an insult, I predict a forthcoming crisis in the greetings card market.

In the playground, at least, the word ‘special’ now has connotations that, I’m sure, are not intended by the designers of this lovely missive. To be called ‘special’ or (if you just don’t have time for two syllables in your busy teenage life, what with all the texting, and messaging and loafing around) ‘spesh’ is one of the most damning condemnations there is at the moment. It’s totally taken over from ‘minger‘ which I haven’t heard (except in an ironic way) for ages now. And as I confidently predicted at the time, I almost miss it.

Certainly, it seems preferable to ‘spesh’ (which, if you haven’t tumbled to it yet, is short for ‘special needs’) and not solely because it’s so offensive (nay, inappropriate!). I rather like the word special and now I’ve been robbed. I won’t be able to use it any more without qualifying it, or run the risk of raising a snigger from any kids who happen to be within earshot.

And what are the card manufacturers going to do? Back in my day the playground insults de choix were just as heartless but somehow a bit more direct. ‘Spazz’ or ‘mong’, as I recall, would have served the same purpose.

And you don’t get many greetings cards that say that.