I’ve come up with an absolutely water-tight reason for Roman Catholic priests to be allowed to marry. (And, no, it’s not that one.)
Now don’t anyone go getting arsey on me. I’m a good Catholic girl, convent educated, liturgist, done Lourdes (and yes, I know I made that unfortunate comment about St Bernadette and temporal lobe epilepsy a little bit louder than I meant to, but sound carries in a grotto – ok?), kids at RC schools – and how! Plus, I know lots of priests and even some bishops, so I know whereof I speak.
And the reason is:
… ear hair.
Now, that chap’s not a priest, but I bet he’s not married either. I mean, what woman in her right mind could bear to have that on the pillow at night?
I’m not being horrid. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a fact of life that, as men get older, they get less hair on their heads and more sprouting from their ears and noses. And what with getting long sighted too, they can’t even see to handle the grooming themselves.
But the Church must think of the spiritual wellbeing of its members. It’s difficult to keep your mind on higher things when your fingers are itching for a pair of tweezers.
And women are just better at these things than men. We’ve had more practice, what with the waxing and the shaving and the plucking and the bleaching. I mean, if I weren’t so zealous in my attentions, I’d have a mono-brow, be sporting quite a dashing little moustache and look as if I were wearing fur trousers at this very moment. But I take care of these things. I am a woman and I take my role seriously.
The fact is, priests need wives. Should we start a petition?