In the beginning …

You can see, can’t you, why God started with light? It makes everything so much easier. Although, just to be pedantic (cos pedantic is my middle name, although just to be pedantic, it isn’t – it’s Clare.), there’s one thing I’m a bit confused by. If He didn’t create day and night until the fourth day, how do we know it actually was the fourth day. Presumeably, before that, it was just light all the time – a bit like Orkney in midsummer, but with less Peter Maxwell Davies. Easy to lose track of the days, I’d have thought. (In yer face, Creationists.)

Anyhoo. Light is very useful and thank God God started off with it before creating anything else. Otherwise He wouldn’t have been able to see what He was doing and everything might have come out all wrong. I mean, it’s only been two days since my bathroom light went, and already I’ve brushed my teeth with hair gel. Imagine if I were in charge of something important, like … I dunno … making a firmament in the midst of the waters and letting it divide the waters from the waters, for example.


18 thoughts on “In the beginning …

  1. Hi. Funny you should bring this up, because just yesterday I found myself thinking about Genesis and god creating the world and it suddenly struck me: why would he need to rest? After creating the universe I suppose you deserve a rest, but somehow I don’t like the idea of god being off-duty; it doesn’t sound professional or safe. Like hearing that the emergency services and all hospital staff are going on summer holiday together. Also what does he do in his leisure time? Nothing at all or something recreational? And was that his last holiday? Because that would explain a thing or two. And finally, if he were a bit more omnipotent and never needed to rest, what extra things might he be capable of?

  2. Dividing waters from waters is not as easy as you might think. I had the misfortune of being next to the white elephant stand at a jumble sale when Roger Waters and Muddy Waters both wanted to buy the same Wembley Stadium memorial gravy boat. The stall holder and I managed to pull them apart eventually, but not before Waters (Roger) sustained a chipped tooth and Waters (Muddy) sprained his hootchie cootchie. The gravy boat was broken beyond repair.

  3. I know how you feel – I found a pair of sunglasses in the fridge last week and I caught myself trying to put the washing in the dishwasher this morning but I think that was because I hadn’t had a cup of tea.

  4. (Marmaduke – au contraire, the news reference volume graph shows that Waters and Waters are inseparable most of the time. I must admit, however, that it has been easier to separate Waters (Muddy) from Waters (Roger) since the former died.)

  5. @pouletnoir – touche! I’m intrigued as to why only in Oslo, Waters (Muddy) has the kind of pulling power as Waters (Roger). Norway has always struck me as odd.

    @wordgirl – perhaps you should ask god to fix your fridge; I hear his rates are competitive.

  6. My husband has just installed a new light in my kitchen… But it seems flouresant to me…So al my food seems to have a glow… no food looks ‘right’…
    I have to get a new light fixture as it truly is diving me bonkers…

  7. blimey – i go away for a few days (to cornwall, as it happens) and look what happens – theological and philosophical struggle on a herculean scale!
    spymum were you able to put your arms down by your sides after that or were you starched into an outstretched posture? easter was splendidly chocolately, thanks – hope yours was too. xx
    violet that’s interesting – my children were supposed to do some research into creation myths for re – i must ask if that’s the case in other cultures too (that’ll get ’em!)
    alpha no question about that – especially when you see what i posted on poulet noir’s blog a while ago! i’m confidently expecting thunderbolts.
    rob too many questions even to contemplate! you must be a theologian (or possibly a publisher … another being in a state of particular grace)
    steph don’t even start me off on laziness … no, i mean it – i’m too lazy to reply …
    wordgirl your fridge should meet my microwave.
    poulet noir i so wish i’d witnessed this event. was sarah waters, lesbianic and incomprehensibly award-winning author, involved in the melee, too? a little velvet tipping might have served to distract the unruly musicians from their tiff.
    marmaduke thank goodness for people like you who are prepared to do the necessary research. please unveil.
    rocky my dear! i was thinking about you in cornwall because of the hazy days. how could you think of doing anything as complicated as putting on washing without drinking at least a gallon of tea? it’s just too much!
    poulet noir yet since muddy is bumping along below roger, must we conclude he is a form of heavy water, or deuterium?
    mr x indeed – or tile grouting stuff, which would have been a possibility. i got off quite lightly, in fact, and my teeth have barely moved since.
    marmaduke curiouser and curiouser – heavy water was produced in norway during the war, if i’m not mistaken. do you think …? surely not! god’s call out rate is indeed competitive, but honestly, some people have been waiting for him to come for over 2000 years!
    pen weird, glowing food! by jingo, i think you’ve discovered a new diet (i’m having trouble posting on your blog, btw, but i’m working on it. think i’ll have to set up a dummy blogger account to trick it! x

  8. Thanks for leaving such an insightful comment, if you have the time/inclination to add more, I would really appreciate it as your perspective (published!) is exactly what I’d like to focus on. My email is elfrea at email dot com.

    Great to find your blog. You’ve also reminded me how many lightbulbs seemed to go simultaneously over Easter – do kids have a special short circuit when on holiday?

  9. If you just want to be rude to religious people, why don’t you just fuck off to an Islamic state and draw cartoons of the prophet Mohammed ? So bloody easy to be rude isn’t it ! And you’re not exactly Jackie fucking Ashley in the brains department either, so don’t bother trying to come up with some sort of intelligent argument as to why you are not religious – just take the piss out of other people’s belief systems, because you think it makes you look ‘edgy’.

    It doesn’t – it just confirms that you are a rude, ignorant, vacuous, facile and vindictive idiot who uses specious arguments in a vain attempt to look well educated, when you probably can’t even spell ‘philosophy’. Grow up.

  10. Ooer missus! Someone’s forgotten to take their lithium haven’t they?

    Just popped back on to say that I did eventually manage to lower my arms eventually, and as the hairspray incident took place at a girly sleepover I was mocked mercilessly for the rest of my teen-aged life. Therapy is helping to heal the scars! (lol)

  11. yes spy – it would appear to be a troll (folderol) – i’m not bothering to delete it because everyone seems to be finding it quite amusing, in a kind of lunatic way. not inspired by the holy spirit, it fear.
    gee – sleepovers are tough!

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