Spot the difference

Here’s another reason why the internet is pants. And why setting homework for children who have gained most of their culture from watching Spongebob Squarepants can throw up unexpected results.
I know it’s not really the internet’s fault this time. Believe me, I’d blame it if I could. But when a 10-year-old is asked to do a project on Shakespeare, and when one of the topics suggested by the teacher is Shakespeare’s contemporaries, and when one of Shakespeare’s contemporaries happens to be called Ben Jonson … well, which picture would you put in your project?
Just one more thought … remarkable really that Ben Johnson has managed to combine such a successful career as a sprinter with writing boffo smashes like Volpone and the Alchemist – although he’s been pretty quiet lately – and he’s looking frankly hot considering he’s 435. If this is down to steroids, sign me up now!

31 thoughts on “Spot the difference

  1. As Ben Johnson said, shortly after collecting his gold medal: ‘When a virtuous man is raised, it brings gladness to his friends, grief to his enemies, and glory to his posterity’

  2. Oh that is sooo funny! That is EXACTLY why ten year olds should be banned from using the internet for their homework. I can still remember being told by a bunch of seven year olds that Henry VII had four wives, because they’d read it on the internet!!!

    love Jane

  3. I’m sure the old Ben Johnsons would be honored…except for the tiny shorts which might embarrass him just a wee bit.

  4. I second what Denguy said!

    Oh, Ben Johnson. I so wanted to believe that you were innocent. But as dumb as you are, no one could be dumb enough to mistake vitamins and steroids. No ONE could be that dumb, Ben Johnson.

    And as for the other Ben Jonson: those big pointy collars are so 1614. However, short shorts are timeless.

  5. Haha, quite right. But how can you ban 10 yr olds or anyone for that matter from using internet anyways? Its just everywhere !!!

  6. *shakes head wearily*
    What is the world coming to, blah blah blah…

    I must be a bad teacher, ‘cos this makes me LOL. What a shame the subtlety of it would be lost on all those (adult) morons I know who swear somehing is true because they “found it on the net”.

  7. 100 words timber! (geddit?) anyone who can quote de gratiosis aptly gets my vote. i guess he said that just before the drug test …
    jane it’s awesome, isn’t it? there are times – many times, in fact – when a nice book, with a good index and a clear contents page, is far the better resource!
    otj well you’ve got to admit, it’s a far more appealing image … on so many levels.
    penny i hope he has a good sense of humour – not sure volpone was a barrel of laffs, mind.
    wordgirl i’ve seen shakespeare in love, y’know – i’m a woman of culture – and they wore little trousery-shorty things – were they hose? anyway, maybe ben jonson would cope ok (ben affleck certainly did) – except i don’t expect they had lycra then.
    denguy calm down! have a piece of toast. is this a canadian issue? we’re not all out to get you – honest!
    alph 1614 they may be – but i remember wearing something frighteningly similar in my brief time as a new romantic (hangs head in shame)
    thinks it’s hard all right – but this just goes to prove that unfiltered information is a verrrry risky thing! (oh dear – does that make me sound like i’m pro-censorship? hope not)
    beck i agree entirely. there’s far too much cut and paste goes on too. bad bad habit!
    pundit so you like the short shorts too, eh?
    hbm i guess it’s time for me to confess that it was my son’s project! thank goodness i was in time to intervene. (although i think his english teacher would have had a good laugh too)
    lawyer lol – excellent!
    nic that would have made your day, i’m sure, to receive a project like that! top marks for enthusiasm but … er …

  8. Ha! I love that – that’s brilliant. My stepson (age7) when we were watching the original classic Jason and the Argonauts film asked me where Jason was from and I said Argos – to which he replied excitedly “oh, we’ve got one of those near my house!”. He is 13 now and I still rib him about it.

  9. God, you have given me the biggest laugh I have had in weeks! And I love your first commenter, too. I have been talking to my son recently about how to be more discriminating in his use of internet information for homework. I will show him this post.

    It reminds me of the time that Dexy’s Midnight Runners sang ‘Jackie Wilson Said’ on Top of the Pops – against a backdrop of darts player Jockey Wilson due to a hard of hearing researcher.

    I am still laughing….x

  10. Well it was the Alchemist that got Canadian Ben into trouble – turning those chemicals into gold.

    Yours much contrived


  11. I think all school reports should be written with Wikipedia as the sole resource for research. Well…maybe not!

  12. I have a giggle here at your post and then at my own folley…
    I worked for a while at a PR firm… Well, Ben Johnson was our client..(I did not know that tidbit, at the time, in my defense)
    He came in, and he tried talking me up… and then I finally cut to the chase… ‘Why are you here anyway?’asked I…
    And he said ‘I’m here for a package. it was a rush job…’
    Now, I thought he meant he was a courier…
    So I gave him a package that was a rush job…
    Do you know he delivered it???
    And then he asked me out again… and for his real package…

  13. This is just hysterically funny! I wonder what Ben Johnson thinks of it all – someone should ask him!

    (Fab bod by the way – shame it was artificially enhanced!)

  14. rocky i’ve definitely seen golden fleeces in the argos catalogue … that explains a lot.
    ms melancholy glad to provide a laff before your holiday. are you back now? i’d forgotten about that dexy’s thing – classic!
    moobs contrived? barely. funny? oh yes, indeedy! made me laugh A LOT. i’m so looking forward to this guided tour.
    missy absolutely! it would have been my choice too.
    groovy now that’s just a scary idea … would be funny, though
    pen i’m all agog …. i MUST know the rest!
    spymum glad you enjoyed it -it made me laugh and laugh. i think my son was a little offended. he was so pleased with all the research he’d done (in between playing on runescape)

  15. Oh gosh! This is why books are so perfectly special and should never never be replaced by the internet. *she says blogging with a glass of wine*

  16. caroline you wouldn’t be an author, by any chance? a noble profession!
    crank i’m hoping pendullum will tell us just HOW talented
    velcro in this new location, i’m free from censorship – hooray
    jane you just needed your jeremy vine fix!
    ydm yeah, but spongebob IS heavenly

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