So hummous is back on the shelves. The panic is over (actually, it’s just been transferred to petrol, but it’s a well known fact that we must have something to be panicking about as a way of preventing us having any kind of meaningful existentialist prise de conscience). Anyway, I digress.
Hummous is safe once more. Hooray for hummous. Dull, reliable, high-fibre hummous. I can scarcely contain my indifference.
Hummous is the dip next door. Hummous is beige. It’s the nice dip your mother would like you to go out with. Hummous is considerate. Hummous is predictable. It has a good job at the bank. It holds the door for you. It gives you its seat on the train. It never forgets your birthday. Hummous bores you to death.
Now taramasalata – that’s quite a different matter! Even the name sounds dangerous. And the colour? Pink! Outrageous! Shameless and life affirming – like Anthony Quinn in Zorba the Greek – tarama (if i may make so bold) is a wild, untamed dip. The flavour – salty, lemony, fishy. Utterly indiscreet. There’s no way you can hide the evidence. Everyone knows when you’ve been around taramosalata.
How about guacamole? So silky smooth, so luscious, so high in fat. So naughty. Makes you feel lascivious, just thinking about it. Cool yet spicy. Smooth yet chunky. Piquant and tempting. So good with tortillas, yet so bad. Don’t be fooled by its vegetarian credentials. Guacamole will make you break all the rules. You won’t be able to resist And oh … the pleasure …
But if hummous gets a tattoo, maybe a piercing or two, suddenly it’s a whole different dip. Say it gets some sundried tomatoes, a little roasted onion, even a swirl of pesto. It’s as if it’s taken off it’s horn-rimmed glasses, got its bad self some hair gel, loosened its tie. All of a sudden, you fancy it. You don’t know why you never saw it before. Hummous is desirable. You want to go all the way with it. So you put another pitta bread in the toaster. Maybe cut up some carrot sticks, celery – even red pepper. Ooooh the crudites! Hummous, I never realised it could be so good with you! So satisfying! Don’t stop! Hummous, you’re my ideal dip. I’m hungry for you…
And you’re still low GI, vegan and high in fibre.
I think I’m in love.