Come back hummous, all is forgiven

So hummous is back on the shelves. The panic is over (actually, it’s just been transferred to petrol, but it’s a well known fact that we must have something to be panicking about as a way of preventing us having any kind of meaningful existentialist prise de conscience). Anyway, I digress.
Hummous is safe once more. Hooray for hummous. Dull, reliable, high-fibre hummous. I can scarcely contain my indifference.
Hummous is the dip next door. Hummous is beige. It’s the nice dip your mother would like you to go out with. Hummous is considerate. Hummous is predictable. It has a good job at the bank. It holds the door for you. It gives you its seat on the train. It never forgets your birthday. Hummous bores you to death.
Now taramasalata – that’s quite a different matter! Even the name sounds dangerous. And the colour? Pink! Outrageous! Shameless and life affirming – like Anthony Quinn in Zorba the Greek – tarama (if i may make so bold) is a wild, untamed dip. The flavour – salty, lemony, fishy. Utterly indiscreet. There’s no way you can hide the evidence. Everyone knows when you’ve been around taramosalata.
How about guacamole? So silky smooth, so luscious, so high in fat. So naughty. Makes you feel lascivious, just thinking about it. Cool yet spicy. Smooth yet chunky. Piquant and tempting. So good with tortillas, yet so bad. Don’t be fooled by its vegetarian credentials. Guacamole will make you break all the rules. You won’t be able to resist And oh … the pleasure …
But if hummous gets a tattoo, maybe a piercing or two, suddenly it’s a whole different dip. Say it gets some sundried tomatoes, a little roasted onion, even a swirl of pesto. It’s as if it’s taken off it’s horn-rimmed glasses, got its bad self some hair gel, loosened its tie. All of a sudden, you fancy it. You don’t know why you never saw it before. Hummous is desirable. You want to go all the way with it. So you put another pitta bread in the toaster. Maybe cut up some carrot sticks, celery – even red pepper. Ooooh the crudites! Hummous, I never realised it could be so good with you! So satisfying! Don’t stop! Hummous, you’re my ideal dip. I’m hungry for you…
And you’re still low GI, vegan and high in fibre.
I think I’m in love.

17 thoughts on “Come back hummous, all is forgiven

  1. Mmmmm…feel really hungry now. Hummous on toast. Yum.
    Only problem for me is how to spell the damn thing – hummus? Hummous? Hoummous?

  2. Was it just a localised South East hummous scare?

    I guess it’s only if the mushy peas get contaminated us here in the north west will be warned…

  3. Was there a hummus scare over there? I couldn’t live without my hummus and pita.

    We had a spinach scare over here months ago and I’m still scared to eat it.

  4. I affectionately call hummus “fart paste.”

    Taramasalata? from Sainsbury’s? with the chunks of fish in it? on a Carr’s cracker? DIVINE! (but really fattening – sigh.)

  5. I love hummus…but suddenly, I want to go and speak naughty to it.

    I bet the olives get jealous. I’ll throw them a few “come hither” glances, they’ll swoon and all will be good again.

  6. Why?! WHY? WHY!? Why is it everytime I come here, late at night, when the kids are in bed and the hour is late and the house is a tip – are you going on and on about food? It is cruel! Putting up photos. Dropping names. Waxing poetic. I am so hungry I dont’ care if the damn stuff is poison now – I MUST have humous! I am hungry. I’d even go and eat that damn scary broccoli from earlier in the week.
    I’m still having dreams about the sarnie cars – you know the ones with the cantaloupe – also poisonous!
    Now as I’ve run out of semi intelligent things to post, I’m off to eat some cereal. Boring bland, garlic free, soy milked cereal. Ho Hum.

  7. I really do love hummus. Yum! Esp. with lots of lemon, and a little extra olive oil pooled on top for good measure.

  8. A hummus scare? We just had a peanut butter scare – the IT food of U.S. toddlers. I’ll trade you!

    I think Salmonella is the new black.

  9. Ha ha – I went to the corner shop today to get a pint of milk and while I was in there suddenly thought of this post and bought a pot of hoummous too. The power of suggestion!!

  10. Hummus… I love you… Now I totally have to go get some. We have this stuff that’s mixed with different herbs and I can eat it on baby carrots until I do some serious damage to my innards. If it wasn’t considered rude or well, disgusting, I would eat it with a spoon like some kind of thick soup. Mmmm…

  11. lotta now that hummous (i’m have a spelling crisis) is officially dangerous, it’s so much more attractive – so you’d better buy some quick!
    100words glad to bring some chickpea joy into your life … you’re a much more reliable poster than i am, so i owe you
    fairyrockmother no more absurd than a knitted uterus, really
    beck how on earth do canteloupe catch salmonella? consorting with chickens as they roam the hillsides, perchance? i’d love to know!
    mrsmogul you’re not martha stewart incognito, are you? sounds yummy!
    lucyd i’m having a pronounciation crisis now as well as a spelling one – ‘whom-us’? ‘hum-us’? ‘hugh-mus’? ‘who-moose?’. you see – not only is it beige, it won’t even make its mind up about what its name is!
    nic i think people have been using it instead of petrol, or petrol instead of hummous, or something. heaven help us if mushy peas are ever tainted (that reminds me of a song …)
    sweatpants yes – it’s a national crisis (rather like the 3cm of snow) and the country has ground to a halt! first hummous, then petrol, then parents can’t get their kids into the schools they want… oh – AND i got a parking ticket the other day. what is the world coming to? and what’s up with the spinach, then? did you hear the watercress is the latest superfood? transfer to that – stat! (or scary broccoli, as discussed below)
    otj what with moobs and cauliflower, then you and hummous – i feel like i’m on world of yaxlich! (do visit him if you haven’t before – and give him my lurve). i haven’t tried that tarama – sounds almost too divine. do you get liquorice allsorts in the us?
    kevin – oooooh – just thinking about tapenade makes me go all silly and giggly!
    alpha you should arm yourself with a few donuts before you go online – just as a precaution, you know. it’s only sensible … and a nice cup of tea.
    karrie i have it on good authority that hummous loves you too. how nice when love is requited!
    lawyerm blimey! peanut butter too? is nothing sacred? i love that salmonella is the new black – fantastic notion! i shall be giggling about that all day now.
    romo okay – i admit it. i’m working undercover for the hummous marketing board on disaster recovery. glad it worked – i’ll ask for a raise, i think.
    kate what a woman does in the privacy of her own fridge door is no-one’s business but hers! so make free with that spoon. i’m liking the sound of hummous with herbs – hmmmmm!

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