Why the internet is …


I’m sure it won’t have escaped your notice that the internet is pants at the moment. Blogger is pants. E-mail is pants. Google is pants. Sitemeter is enormous pants. Why is this, I ask myself, in a luddite kind of a way? Well, perhaps it’s the awful weather. Or sunspots. Or global warming. Or even aliens messing with our electrical thingy wave stuff. (I’m an expert, you can tell.)

Personally, think it’s the spam.

Whatever the reason, there’s an awful dystopian, fin-de-siecle, apocalyptic, apres-moi-le-deluge (add your own adjective here) kind of a feel to it.

I gaze, dull-eyed and uncomprehending at my screen as error message after error message after virus warning appears, and behind it all the steady trickle of emails offering me jobs in HR in Greece, low-rate mortagage deals, Russian brides – mine for the asking, stock-market tips that will guarantee my future wealth, cut-price meds from Canada.

Go away, all of you and never darken my inbox again!

For a positive spin on this I turn, as ever, to Yaxlich. What lovely manners that boy has!

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18 thoughts on “Why the internet is …

  1. Pants – I have no idea what that means. I’m just an uncool Yank who’s not hip to such lingo. But I get that it’s something really bad. Am I right? Am I?

    Thanks so much for the comment at my place. I’d be honored if you linked to my “I think I’m in the wrong village post.” It’s way back from the early days and you’re probably like the fifth person to have read it.

  2. yaxlich bothers zoe as yaxlich speaks in the third person. zoe even donated towards yaxlich’s ‘pant’s charity’ and yet yaxlich has still not bought any undergarments.

    zoe is most distressed about this and she may be asking for a refund.

    zoe can be found sobbing under the famous mannequin pis.

  3. yaxlich it is a vair vair disturbing image. i knew you’d appreciate it!
    mom101 you’ve deduced correctly! the important thing to remember is that for us, pants are not, nor ever shall be, trousers. they’re undergarments. panties, would you say? i’m not sure the translation works entirely, but you get the idea …
    zoe may i inquire how you know yaxlich has not purchased any undergarments?

    slagging off blogger has proved a high-risk strategy. i’ve been locked out in the cold most of the afternoon. be warned by my plight, dissidents. i am spartacus!

  4. Whenever I use the word pants (as in ‘Leeds is a bit pants’) I’m imagining those grey-ish y-fronts that John Major allegedly tucked his shirts into. Not that I actually know what John Major’s pants look like of course…

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  6. see what i mean? those russian brides (probably smenita and her gang) are stalking me, i tell you! i’m not even safe over here…
    help! i think the word verification means ‘i do’ in russian! ‘syzedkek’ – anyone know what it means?

  7. I know!
    I have been getting google error messages, missing blogs and I am trying to figure out how I get MORE spam on my unpublized email than the yahoo stuff!

  8. I had to have a snort of laughter when I saw the comment from Ukrainetx. At first I thought it was a very clever blogger having some fun, alas, not so.

    You’ve hit the nail on the head again muthas. If one more “person” offers me a job, an unclaimed fortune, a kidney or lottery winnings I think I’ll try and put my hand through the web connection and wring their necks.

    Have you seen the one about how only a partial message has gotten through and you’ll have to open the attachment to read the rest….Straight to the bin – a very sneaky, tricky pants thing trying to infect me with some virus!

    And what is going on with sitemeter? The record so far has been “Sorry, no satistics available for 342 minutes!” WTF?

  9. You just have to speak nicely to it, water it and make sure it gets plenty of sunlight. Wait, that’s a houseplant. The internet is pants, but thanks for stopping by my blog!

  10. Yaxlich hasn’t purchased any pants yet and now the PayPal thing is broken. He will fix this soon and, hopefully, purchase some new underpants which he will display on his blog.

  11. Perhaos you could solve a spousal dispute for P and I. She maintains that “nobody” says “underpants” any more. I know I use the word. Is it now deprecated?

  12. Never heard of spam referred to as pants. You honestly had me scratching my head. Cliffhanger of a post. Does that make me a dolt?

  13. cc it’s a mystery alright. and does anyone actually respond? what is the point of it? (existential crisis on its way)
    nutmeg i though it was ironic too, but sadly not. sitemeter now has a delay of over 1200 minutes! is that a record? do i get the free laptop?
    mark i bet your houseplants are lovely and healthy, but don’t water your computer, ok?
    yaxlich please give plenty of notice for the pants parade post. i’ll invite some friends round.
    moobs + p me? resolve a dispute between 2 fancy lawyers? you’ve got to be kidding. i’m prepared to appear as expert witness on nethergarment nomenclature, but that’s yer lot!
    ds ‘dolt’ – there’s another lovely word! i’m glad you were cliffhung – but ‘pants’ as i was using it simply means bad, shoddy, poor quality, annoying – that kind of thing. and my ie has certainly been all those things and more lately.

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