Bonfire of the resolutions

I was thinking, the way you do at this time of year, about resolutions in general. Not actually making any, you understand. Just thinking.

And what I was thinking about was the kind of daft parenting resolutions I made before I had children. They were fantastic, of course. Very definite. Very decisive. Cos there’s nothing like almost complete ignorance to inform pedantry. I seem to recall they went something like this:

I’m going to have a natural birth.
I’m going to get my figure back almost straight away.
I’m not going to let myself go.
I’ll breastfeed, of course.
I’ll never use a dummy.
I won’t talk about my children the whole time.
The children will never sleep in our bed.
I’ll never smack.
I’ll never bribe my children with sweets.
I’ll always reason with my children.
Having a baby will not change my life.

Hmmm. I managed exactly two of the above. Which is why I’m only thinking about resolutions and not making any. Anything to add to the pile before we set light to them?


23 thoughts on “Bonfire of the resolutions

  1. I’m never going to shout at my children…

    I’m never going to swear at my children…

    I will be in control at all times…

    Sometimes I wonder who the adult is in my house.

    It’s not me…

    Happy New Year.

    Love Janex

  2. I managed 1 and 5. Admittedy the first was against my wishes. And I didn’t even attempt 4.

    Bad parent. Bad bad parent.

    Happy New Year.

  3. What? No one has yet claimed “I will never use the television as a babysitter”?

    That one must be mine, then. Crashed and burned.

  4. Parenting is all about compromising the idealistic notions you dreamed up while childless.

    My biggest idiocy: my children will not be bribed/rewarded for using the potty. They will be motivated by a profound sense of personal accomplishment. Yeah… now I have the world’s biggest bag of jelly beans sitting on the kitchen counter awaiting Danger Boy’s next potty session.

    So, MM, which 2 did you keep?


    PS – anyone else have trouble posting on Meg’s blog? I”m fine with every other blog. Is this some sort of beta blogger snobbery issue?

  5. Well, since we adopted, the birthing things I can’t figure into my resolutions. But suffice it to say, I have violated all the others but one!

  6. Well, most of those would have been on my list and I’ve violated all of them except 4 and 8!

    I also swore I would not turn into my mother but every now and then I catch mys elf saying exactly what she did in exactly the same tone of voice.

  7. Jane and Bec – you’re good, girls. Got in before me. Also, what about “The children will not change my relationship with my husband – we will still have our special, private time” – well that one didn’t even get off the ground. “Oh, my child won’t be the aggressive, biting, yelling, tantrumming (add any other feral term here at will) like that child over there…” Famous last words. “I will still be able to give my full attention to my friend and our conversation when I have kids” – sorry, what was that?

    I could go on and on 🙂

  8. Bec, damn I forgot the telly one. But I can go one better… once my children are big enough I will not lie in every day of the Christmas holidays abandoning them to the perils of children’s telly…

    Nutmeg… feral children? Yes how did we all think that one wasn’t going to happen to us? My fourth kicks and punches and bites. Still it’s one way of getting attention…

    ADM – I think with beta if you log in using your google account it makes it easier. It took me a while to figure it out!

    love Janex

  9. When the children say something isn’t fair, I’ll never respond, “Life isn’t fair.”

    (That one went out of the window for Lisa before she had even had her own children – when she became a teacher!)

    I’ll never lick my finger and use it to clean my child’s face when s/he has mud/purée/potato/jam/chocolate/wine on it.

  10. ah yes – there are loads i forgot. thanks for reminding me. it’s all sounding blush-makingly familiar.
    adm – i managed 4 & 5 – more a decision by the twins than by me, of course.
    graham – hello, darling. hope your christmas and new year were fab. i must say, cleaning the kids’ faces with spit is one thing i won’t do. i think it’s a foul abuse of their human rights (i’ve already banged on about this on moobs’ site), but you may have noticed, they’re often grubby!
    this is quite cathartic, isn’t it? i’m going to give you all absolution shortly (and no penance). blimey – the power is going to my head!
    now i’ve got a few of you together, is it worth changing to beta? or should i stick? whadya think?

  11. I’m never going to swear in front of the kids..

    I’ll never let them watch tv apart from educational programs…

    I’ll never let them run around restaurants terrorizing the other patrons…

    I’ll never bribe them with chocolate, candy, jelly babies…

  12. How about ‘I will respect their individuality’ & the other chestnut ‘I will pay attention when they are talking to me and have proper conversations with them.’

    Oh, the guilt.

  13. hehe…well I’m breaking the television rule right now.

    My current blog entry addresses some of my other “failures.” 🙂

  14. MM – I’ve switched to beta and the only pain is remembering to sign onto your google account before you post on other blogs.

    But I don’t try anything clever on mine!
    love Jx

  15. What about: I will never allow them to listen to inapropriate music on the radio. So, therefore they will never be able to go their christian preschool and spout inapropriate lyrics in class. And, I will NEVER have to sign a slip of paper acknowledging that I am a horrible parent who is raising a child whose entire future is now compromised due to exposure to aforementioned song.

  16. Oh my. How could I have forgotten this one:

    “I will never let MY children watch TV!”


  17. Cranky has photgraphic PROOF she has kept that resolution.

    I will not chase my godchildren round the house filling them with adrenalin just before (a) they go to bed and (b) I drove away waving merrily.

  18. I will keep my parenting separate from my career.

    I will not foist my child off on her father simply b/c she is driving me crazy. For the record, one of her first sentences was “Go bug daddy.”

    Great list.

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