Now, I like a nice acronym as much as the next overcommitted parent. Look at the time they can save us. In the time it would take us to say, ‘Piss off early, tomorrow’s Saturday!’, we can trill, ‘POETS!’, slide out from behind our desks and be halfway downstairs and on our way to Tesco.
So, yes, BOGOF (which has the inestimable plus of sounding a little bit rude), BLT, TTFN, ROFL – all these and more have a place in my sad, trying-to-maintain-veneer-of-youth vocabulary. But KGOY? Never (apart from this post, of course). For a start, it’s really hard to say but the real problem with KGOY (can’t stop typing it now … you see how invidious it is?) is that it’s a nasty invented concept made flesh through the machinations of marketing and advertising execs whose whole raison d’etre is to manufacture desire as a means of parting us from our hard earned cash.
KGOY stands for – brace yourselves – Kids Growing Older Younger. It’s basically a plot to rob our children of their childhood by making them targets for highly sophisticated and targeted marketing campaigns, so that we feel pressured to buy them stuff that was previously the preserve of adults. And it extends to everything. Cos once they have mobile phones, ipods and PSPs, they can hook up with their friends and drink Baby-ccinos at globalised coffee chains, yak about their awful problems with their parents (who won’t buy them the stuff they really, really need), get prescribed Prozac, have cosmetic surgery, worry about their weight, go to gigs, choose designer clothes …. and on and on.
If you think I’m exaggerating, take a look at this, from the Advertising Educational Foundation. Cos they actually teach people to do this to us and our children.