At last – something at which we British excel! Just when you thought it was safe to open a newspaper, a recent report from yet another think tank trumpets the news that teenagers in the UK are among the worst behaved in Europe.
In a series of indicators on bad behaviour, including drugs, drink and violence, Britain was at, or close to the top.
Here are a couple of quotes on this shocking new problem that will, I hope, help to put it in context:
‘The world is passing through troubled times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness to them. As for the girls, they are immodest and unwomanly in speech, behaviour and dress.’
Peter the Monk, in AD1274
‘Our youths love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders, and love to chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their household. They no longer rise when their elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food, and tyrannize their teachers.’
Socrates, Greek philosopher and teacher, 470-399BC
Yep, breaking news indeed. But I think I have the solution to this, and many other problems. It’s simple, it would save tax payers’ money, and I’m pretty sure it would be popular. Are you ready? Brace yourselves, cos this is going to form the backbone of my bid to seize ultimate power.
Get rid of all the think tanks.