I’m an idiot

Okay, so this may not be breaking news to anyone who knows me – even a little. But it’s official now. I’m also a couple of other things, although delicacy prevents me telling you what exactly.

Oh, all right then. I’m a tosser and an a***hole. It must be true, because the Blessed Jamie Oliver says so. But I bet you are too. And you know what my qualifications are for this distinction? I’ve had the temerity to give my children crisps, fizzy drinks and – on occasion – even chocolate! Shock! Horror!

Yeah, yeah, I know. I think he may be losing the plot a bit too, but this packed lunch business is quite interesting. Like most parents, I try to strike a balance between what I would like my kids to eat (in my dreams) and what they actually will eat (in the real world).

But it seems that many school kids are simply throwing away anything in their lunch box that they don’t feel like eating – either because they don’t like it, or because of peer pressure. My daughter asked me not to give her tuna/mayo any more because her friends didn’t like the smell, and my son turned his back on bacon and egg sarnies for the same reason. And this is going on in schools all over the land.

So into the pig bin go the carefully sliced carrot sticks and organic apples, the home-made flapjack and the hummus on wholemeal. The result? Pigs are eating a fantastic diet. Far better, in fact, than that of our cherished darlings, who are are getting by on scraps of doughnut begged from their more fortunate school friends whose mothers aren’t manic organics.

And what conclusion can we draw from all this? Apart from the fact that being a parent is sometimes a completely thankless task? And that whatever you do, someone, somewhere is going to slag you off? And that Jamie Oliver should wash his mouth out with soap?

Why – eat more bacon, of course.


8 thoughts on “I’m an idiot

  1. My kids do the same thing. It drives me crazy that they throw away the healthy stuff which of course costs more than the junk. Why would they bring it back home? Because then I would know that they didn’t eat it. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  2. My MIL gave us a gift of a “splatter screen” for the frying pan. I think she meant for it to sheild the children from splattering grease, but my friend John looked at it and said, “Now you can cook bacon naked!”

  3. I remember the days of peer pressure eating in the lunch room! If only their friends new that eating healthy is COOL. Oh well.

  4. A sadist writes …I get round the problem by only giving my daughter healthy stuff in the lunch box. Feel like throwing away the kiwi, you will be left with prunes, feel like throwing them out you will have to resort to the pita with cheese. Toss that out you will starve. It’s going quite well so far, but then she’s only five and not peer obsessed yet.

    I wish I were a British pig.

  5. All I packed into my Kindergartner’s lunchbox today was a pack of raisins, a slice of Little Ceasar’s pizza, a juice box and, well, nada mas. I’m a bad lunch kind of mom this week. Gotta’ get over to a local farmer’s market that Mr. Oliver, who is so lisping freakin’ hot (have you read his wife’s Jools Oliver Minus Nine to One book, my mother in law sent it over to me from the UK?) would love. Wow … run on sentence. Hey, thanks for continually checking out my blog, mad mutha. You are freakin’ hilarious as well. I love your site.

  6. p.s. Your comment on my blog CRACKED ME UP.

    Just think – if I work really hard at this, maybe I won’t, you know, accidentally pee while running or something.

    Ha ha ha ha!!


  7. I’ve done what I thought was an excellent job exposing my baby to all different types of foods yet the only thing she will allow past her two-year-old lips is damned mac and cheese. That was a really long sentence.

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