Okay, so this may not be breaking news to anyone who knows me – even a little. But it’s official now. I’m also a couple of other things, although delicacy prevents me telling you what exactly.
Oh, all right then. I’m a tosser and an a***hole. It must be true, because the Blessed Jamie Oliver says so. But I bet you are too. And you know what my qualifications are for this distinction? I’ve had the temerity to give my children crisps, fizzy drinks and – on occasion – even chocolate! Shock! Horror!
Yeah, yeah, I know. I think he may be losing the plot a bit too, but this packed lunch business is quite interesting. Like most parents, I try to strike a balance between what I would like my kids to eat (in my dreams) and what they actually will eat (in the real world).
But it seems that many school kids are simply throwing away anything in their lunch box that they don’t feel like eating – either because they don’t like it, or because of peer pressure. My daughter asked me not to give her tuna/mayo any more because her friends didn’t like the smell, and my son turned his back on bacon and egg sarnies for the same reason. And this is going on in schools all over the land.
So into the pig bin go the carefully sliced carrot sticks and organic apples, the home-made flapjack and the hummus on wholemeal. The result? Pigs are eating a fantastic diet. Far better, in fact, than that of our cherished darlings, who are are getting by on scraps of doughnut begged from their more fortunate school friends whose mothers aren’t manic organics.
And what conclusion can we draw from all this? Apart from the fact that being a parent is sometimes a completely thankless task? And that whatever you do, someone, somewhere is going to slag you off? And that Jamie Oliver should wash his mouth out with soap?
Why – eat more bacon, of course.